Stuck in the Muck of Life | October 30, 2018
I’ve been stuck since September. Stuck standing in one place watching the world pass by. I’ve been going through the motions trying to keep up, but I’ve dropped the things I knew I could and focused on doing what had to be done. I knew the things I’d dropped would bounce and I could pick them back up right where I left them, as soon as I was ready.
It’s now October and the things I’ve been holding onto so tightly are starting to unravel. I’m starting to unravel…and not in a bad way. I’m starting to process all the things I’ve been holding so closely to my heart. I’m starting to let go so I can hold on. We often fail to realize that to hold on to the things that matter most…READ MORE.
Patricia Jean Lewis Nerwinski: A Legacy of Love | September 10, 2018
As a person who loves the power of words and tends to have a way with them, I’m not sure I can accurately convey the depth of my love and grief with words alone. Nor, am I certain there are many words that could possibly describe a woman who, to me, was larger than life. Her loss clearly illustrates that the bigger the love, the greater the grief. Her gift to us all is a legacy full of love and a lifetime of well-documented memories.
A Fierce Love
I have always had a fierce love for my grandma. As a kid, hands on hips and attitude in tow, I once shouted at a kid:
“Yeah!? Well, MY grandma has orange hair and she can do anything!”
This exclamation was followed by the prompt sticking out of my tongue.
My grandma loved to talk about that moment. We giggled about it often and to this day, I believe those words with every fiber of my being. She had the most beautiful hair and she could do anything. We reminded each other of this proclamation the last time she was in the hospital, though this time she told me she was tired and she wasn’t sure. I heard her, but I pressed on, I didn’t want to think about any of that, and she pulled through that time – at least for a while…READ MORE.
All the Pieces of Me | August 21, 2018
My Innermost Voice
As I sit here in the dark and quiet, I reflect on my deepest thoughts and feelings. I used to know who I was. I used to know where I was going, and if not exactly how I was going to get there…I had an idea of how I might go about getting to where I wanted to be. I can’t say that now and the idea that I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me is practically paralyzing. I reach for help, I ask for guidance and all I receive are more questions. Questions I’m not prepared to answer.
A Fork in the Road
Metaphorically speaking, I feel like I’m standing in the middle of the woods staring at a nicely paved road that goes somewhere familiar. I’ve been on that road, I know I could easily cut straight to it and I know where it would take me. I know how long I’d be on it, how I’d feel while I was cruising down it, and I know what’s at the end of it. That’s the easy path. The tempting path. A part of me wants to “go back” to that.
The bigger part of me knows that if I “go back,” then I won’t “go forward.” The problem is, I don’t know what’s forward. The path isn’t cut, I’m doing that myself and I’m tired of chopping down trees and clearing brush. I’m worried, I’m scared and heaven knows I’m afraid of what I don’t know…READ MORE.
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